i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
