May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
