Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
