Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
