Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
