Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
