i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
