Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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