I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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