i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
