I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
