would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Buhtt sex?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
