My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
