nut hugger
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
