I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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