in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
