I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
