I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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