That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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