I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
