I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
