I hate your face
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
