I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
