didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
