Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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