DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
