This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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