Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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