I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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