Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
