The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
