they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
