i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
