so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
