Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
