What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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