im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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