is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
