Can i not drive my cunt home
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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