Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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