College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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