the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
