So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
