Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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