Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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