woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
