yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
