Kiss
Puke
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you didnt know i had herpes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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