Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
