if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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