watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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