just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
