You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
